i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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