I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I think my vagina is haunted
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
