Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
