3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
