She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
