I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
