just come out here and I will go home with you...
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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