Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
