I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
