dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
