I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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