dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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