I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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