i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
