We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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