i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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