did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
