how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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