Welp...herpes.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
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I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
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I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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