she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
They should really pass out barf bags in church
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
