i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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