Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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