this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
