Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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