States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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