I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
