i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
only you would photoshop your dick
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
So vagazzling was a success
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
