Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
