well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
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