Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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