Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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