We're like a lot better than the average bears
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
