Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
