i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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