You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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