its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
