I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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