I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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