Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
