I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
