she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
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Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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