why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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