There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
