My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
just tell him i said nine months
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
This gyro tastes like lonliness
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
