Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
