oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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