Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
