Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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