i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
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Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
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Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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