I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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