So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
i've created a new STD.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
