Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Randomize
