my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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