I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Randomize
