the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
