I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Randomize
