with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Who died my cat blue again?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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