were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
