I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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