I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
