so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
