She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
