Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
