It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
