Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
