well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
