Only a mothe r could love this liver
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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