We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
