I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
