my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
