six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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