The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
