he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
