Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
So much rum. So many feels.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
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