Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
