I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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