Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
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