if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
We have started to decorate penises.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Shame is for Republicans.
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