So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
