he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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