well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
