when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
