Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
