you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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