genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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