we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
