used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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