I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
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