In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
