I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
