we're chasing vodka with high fives
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
