Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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